Living life to the fullest

2009-09-08T20:29:00.002+08:00

ole. im back on sept hols.
halfway through prelim 2.
happy about it. im trying real hard
soon i'll see the last paper for o levels
time flies. it must fly.
get over with this and be done with it.
turning social life to a minimum, academics to a maximum.
ok i occasionally do turn social life up a little.
but academics more.
Humans think weird.
we think oh my god exams are coming instead of oh yes its nearly over.
im a human too. i guess we all love being negative minded in our life
should learn from kaymond. he gets C5 with a smile. i get C5s with a frown.
well buck up. it will soon be over.
solutions are coming to me slowly one at a time.
i'll be rid of them soon. real soon.
POP was great. they sure did alot for it. some feelings kinda too outstanding.
it was a mixed one though. and now im back where i am.

2009-08-31T19:48:00.000+08:00

im going back the old ways. oh great.
im crazy

2009-08-25T18:55:00.001+08:00

another kin left me. again.
姑姑 may you rest in peace.
God's calling us all back sooner or later. i guess life is not as easy as it looks.
The pain of getting, the pain of giving, the pain of leaving and the pain of being left behind.

2009-08-23T21:17:00.002+08:00

its idiotic to stay till midnight trying to finish studying o levels.
you get,
-headache the next day
-runny nose
-no mood
-angry and pissed anytime

2009-08-22T21:37:00.000+08:00

HEAVY day. gonna start on homework.
i need a break. need a kit-kat.

2009-08-21T21:51:00.001+08:00

GREAT. I FUCKING DELETED MY BLOGSKIN.
now i got to use one backup i have luckily and accidentally saved in my hard drive.
SCREW OFF O LVLS
and fuck that B3 i got

2009-08-21T21:40:00.000+08:00

no time no time no time. everything, no time. Great. O levels. you suck

2009-07-31T23:52:00.002+08:00

great. how long did i stop posting? im closing this blog already.
there's not enough time left and even less time to care about blogging.
its no use actually. at least not for someone who thinks its weird to be talking to a blog.
great. here to shut it down. im keeping the address though..in case of anything. dosent hurt to keep the address does it?

2009-07-03T16:57:00.001+08:00

lol IM CURED!!! YESSSSS!!!
life is just as good as before!!
prelims. no kick. confirm screw.

School ReOPENED

2009-06-29T21:55:00.002+08:00

good. first thing in the morning, i woke up at 6.30am. great. got late for bus and everything.
screw yesterday's M'sia trip. cost me my sleep.
Went to school, first thing you walk in, not hiar check, not uniform, H1N1 is the new fashion. wtf owned
today's class is perfect. Physics skill 3 revision with ms ting for 2 periods, free period all the way till after recess where chinese took place(like another free period-_-")
nthing much. totally sian for whole day.
went out find yizhi they all, stoned awhile ok not really just talked and eat lunch..
went home and went to cut hair. ok this is the fun part..i went to 3 saloons and WTF ALL WERE CLOSED!! screwed.

H1N1 really owning the world. like shi hui says, you get it, you get it. that simple. LOL

2009-06-26T09:35:00.000+08:00

omg. my homework. lets sit back relax and enjoy the teachers scolding. SHIT.

2009-06-25T15:27:00.001+08:00

wow.
transformers tomorrow. and i completed 1% of my holiday homework. great. i better start soon.
not soon. now.
going deposit money later. and buy stuff..with yizhi so y'all know what that means.
nvm. constant crap.
prelims is at the doorstep!!! GREAT.
i forgot everything i learnt this 2 weeks. HOW?!!

oh my god i love this

2009-06-23T12:44:00.002+08:00

From channel newsasia, GOVT NOT IMPOSING EXTENDED HOLS!!
YES!!
this is great. at least prelims is not postponed and we do not need to worry about the extra few days to prelims.
study study study and i frogot about my holiday homework. great..wtf.
went to the sengkang that swimming pool with yao an they all. great time. we made afool of ourselves there. lucky i don't stay there.
you wnat to know what happen? basically its something to do with xuan de trying to act like he was scared of the slides..and whatever we were doing on the slides. wtf. but anw quite fun.
P.S. dont swim in the indoor pool. ITS COLD!!

and shit. i forgot how to swim butterfly properly. great.
ok enough crap. lets get back on work. im a nerd and i believe in nerderism.

I fell SICK

2009-06-22T12:10:00.002+08:00

im sick. and its totally not because of the flu..its because of you.
doc said it will be cured quickly as long i stop being emotionally down. wtf. screwed.
besdies that, prelims is coming up..did i prepare? no. unless you call staring at a book with nothing going in other that some idiot's face popping in my mind. screw you. must you make life this bad for me?

wtf.
screw this world.
forget it. i'll just carry on staring hard

2009-06-16T22:56:00.000+08:00

i fail in studying. maximum time: 2hour 3mins. great. aft that. im asleep.

2009-06-15T08:42:00.001+08:00

i LAZY blog.
2 weeks over. 2 weeks more to go.
from "go and study stop playing com" now become "go and play and relax la. study so hard for what?"

zzzness. parents. they always change their minds. haha.

2009-06-12T21:28:00.002+08:00

lets all do something meaningful in our life because currently, our life sucks with just o lvls.

played basketball today. im going to get cramps again.
went to see the doctor already. he said my shoulder won't heal quickly. advised me not to play basketball or strain my arms..i didnt though. maybe i should. since i really have the risk of going operation if i don't.
prelim 1 coming up in 2 weeks. im not going to bother. i cant be bothered anymore.
let it just be a revision. im not going to study too hard. its not worth it. late nights and everything is not that worth it.
o levels, its going to come sooner or later. just pace out and set that as the goal. prelim is just revision.
i HECK care. maybe its because im feeling moody. what ever the counselor said, it did not help. i still think. i still rmb. fuck you. get out of my mind. leave me alone can?

2009-06-07T18:42:00.002+08:00

this is fucked up. im losing all control.
prelims are flashing nearer...o levels is almost a blink away. great.
now its suicide.

2009-06-06T22:06:00.002+08:00

screw the day i grew up.
people go through this stage in life. i got to convince myself that.
the world stinks with all these expectations of a degree to survive.
screw it. screw this whole episode of life.

i feel..pissed at the fact that i have to do my work and i have no time, fked up at the fact that its o levels this year and LUCKILY, all the worst tragedies are falling into place this year.
im seriously sick and tired of books, of that grey table, of the whiteboard, the screen and the sound of the word O.
i understand why middle aged people and teens want to either grow old and get pensions or go back and be young. life seriously sucks when it is after 15. ok maybe from 16. wtf. can i get a high pay job that im interested in without even studying? FAT HOPE. but nice dream.
screw the truth of the world man.

2009-05-31T16:39:00.001+08:00

tmr chinese Os. not abit impressed at all.
im not feeling anxious or anything. just like..sian.
wtf.
i feel bored. totally bored. sundays sucks. especially when there is a paper tomorrow.

2009-05-25T19:57:00.000+08:00

WAHAHAHA ITS 6 days to chinese o lvl. what am i doing right now?
PLAYING restaurant city. WTF.
i feel im a complete bastard. if i score A1, i confirm go jamming studio play with ivan they all like free.
wtf.
b3 for mid years. oh heavens. im intending for an A1. what shit

Friends

2009-05-24T19:31:00.002+08:00

im back after a looonnnggg while. self reflect every sunday i guess. it looks like its becoming part of my routine. study study. everytime i want to, i don't get motivated. i feel empty lol. im like..there is nothing to look forward to tomorrow. it feels lame to be at home, knowing i need to study, not knowing why im not, and instead not knowing what else to do. o levels is just right at the corner and prelims is a few cm away. what am i doing?!!

friends( nakama )

i guess they are the reason for me to go to school, sit down and really learn. ok i must admit some of them are not here..
we do stupid things together i guess..we enjoy it though.
they are the ones helping you pull through hongren. its just if you don't want them to, they can't.
its up to me. no matter how hard it is, i got to pull through. how come 9 mths plus is so hard to forget. how come?!!
you are ruining me, tearing me apart so fast i cant rebuild myself.
i don't want to sound like a girl.
not at all.
im stuck. i want to go forward to you yet i cant. i want to move back, i also cant. i stay down here, i also cant. WTF

the sea is calming down...and its changing

2009-05-12T21:09:00.002+08:00

lols. erlin's posts always let me self reflect.
i agree with her most of the time though. its true.
sec 4 is not a good year. im enjoying myself though.
its sec 4 that has led me lead the life i had been supposed to lead.
sec 1 to 3 has been screwed. mostly.
i have to say i have alot of regrets.
i don't know how, but my friends have influenced me alot. esp when some has gone on to poly and in a sense, grew up.
4e2 too. im kind of more hardworking now esp after im switched to the front.
my zhonghua friends also. we play. we have fun. we do jamming nearly once a week but we encourage each other to study. at least they influenced me to study.
im seeing things clearly now. the clouds finally blew off. im seeing the sun.
i can say i changed. even as tiny as it is, i changed. not physically but mentally. im glad i did.
ok enough of this self reflecting.
its 9.15 only i know. but im finally able to rest well tonight. no more troubles. no more stress.
my life journey is finally calming down.

2009-05-11T17:45:00.002+08:00

lol. im back to blogging.
went for physics ssp today at 8am.
not bad. i forgot to bring everything. ftw.
went to PH to eat lunch. WE SPENT $46?!! imba.
dropped by at starbucks(mocha frappuchino is nice) to study then went for movies. watched X-men. WIN. it was so..boring. seriously. apart from the front, the back was..action action action.
im going for a shootout!! got tips from uncle on improving my photography.
something about focal point. nvm i'll ask him again.

mothers day. beautiful. i was not at home all the time. HAAHS.
but its ok. mum knows me best haha. i never give presents on such days because i feel they are dumb. its meaningless if you only treat your mum nice for a day. its stupid.
currently going to study. im losing the feel. sian. restaurant city feel so boring after awhile.

2009-05-07T19:42:00.001+08:00

i realised. im not a good liar. haha. i cant lie properly.

short

2009-05-06T20:52:00.001+08:00

a short post. im trying very hard to forget to bring my full uni tomorrow.
best is bring and forget boots.
tomorrow is my LAST npcc day. makes no difference.
im still be going to see my squad and come tgt some time. nothing much to miss just yet.

update

2009-05-04T20:29:00.002+08:00

hello there!!
here to update a bit of my life right now.
its 8.30 pm, on monday 4th of may and the weather is fine..blah blah blah..
ok to the point,
swine flu HURTS. it will hurt real bad. think about it. Singapore is so small..how do we hide?
buckle up for a rough ride but lets leave matters to the government while we play our small part first.
oh yeah!! im studying!! can you BELIEVE it. ok its not a big deal..but well who cares. i feel like a retard right now because if you can imagine, im trying to get high in front of a computer screen. ftw.

times are bad. recession, flu, everything but i think we should in these crisis hold on to one another's shoulders and lets get through together leaving no one behind. i mean, life still has to go on. so we should not worry too much. just concentrate on our own part and get on with life. so what if you are predicted to be diagnosed with swine flu in a couple of days to come? so what if recession is going to hit your pockets so hard that the hole can't be sewed back? we are still alive. we still live to see the next sun rise, the next sunset. we ain't going to be having to say "oh the sun hates me. im not going to get to see the sunrise because im a loser. well ok thats out of point but we get the idea right?

2009-05-02T23:53:00.002+08:00

ah~la~la...
totally awesome. i told myself i should concentrate on my studies yet for labour day, i laboured on my bed. WTF. totally didnt do any homework. and today tmr fully outside to work. SIAO
i hope my homework will finish by the time i come home tmr. which is like now?
wtf. good job. haahs. i got FAt hopes.
and i learned a new word from ting rui today. BMW. i take it all the time. Bus, Mrt, Walk..YING LIAO LOR!!

CON-TEXT

2009-04-28T21:21:00.003+08:00

bought contacts. getting it on next wednesday. which means, this sat and sun working that time can't wear. sian.
timing always off. super bad luck.

no life

2009-04-27T21:40:00.002+08:00

haha absolutely no life la. other than school, i study, watch a little videos and like thats it. lol.
got obsessed with restaurant cos i was too bored..its ok la. quite stupid but better than doing nothing except studying. at least i know i have to take a break every 2 hours (because thats when the energy runs out-_-)
great day. i hope tomorrow is as great as normal.

under LOCK & KEY

2009-04-25T11:54:00.002+08:00

sec 4 seems kind of strangled..
im like under that lock, cant breathe, can get out.
im in a dilemma. i want o lvl to come soon. yet i don't want it to come.
im going off now. i shall blog again later if time permits.

2009-04-23T22:11:00.000+08:00

i feel lousy. 2.4 is over. and im tired. good job.
i have no mood to study today. i shall just read textbooks till i fall asleep.

2009-04-22T22:32:00.001+08:00

i had jam for snacks today. ok this is stupid.
went music room today fooled around with the drums and learning starlight by goodnessknow who.
having 2.4 tomorrow. thats great. real GREAT.

you are such a fool.
if you don't want a guy. stop talking to him.
you were the one who said not to talk.
and yet you the one who sent me sms.
ftw. go ahead. and ftw certainly does not mean fk the wall. really it doesn't. really. -_-

people do realise

2009-04-21T22:01:00.002+08:00

its 21. how funny. its ironic. i can remeber vividly what happen this day last year. how great.
im feeling sleepy. i shall sleep. kudos to 21..esp jan 21.

fked up.

2009-04-21T20:49:00.000+08:00

i just went to ride bike to go buy better school shoe and all this has got to happen. WTF!!
i shall not post those gory pictures. all i can say is the
sharp tip of the pedals digged into my toe's flesh. and i fking washed it and put alcohol. HEAVEN
wtf. screw that uncle. he have no sense to check the bike la. ask him check he don't even know how put it properly. it din even last 2 weeks. WTF

2009-04-20T22:35:00.002+08:00

went to take photos because im bored. im trying to learn. and im seriously a newbie at it. i'll upload some better ones..please give comments. anywhere you like. if msn or sms suits you.

while waiting for them, i guess i'll blog a little.
im moving on..i can sense that person doesn't even care a damnned hell what i did. she don't realise anything. nvm.
well im kind of in a weird state now. i can't exactly say im going on now. but i can't say i didn't too.
im stuck in the middle. being pulled about. well, she doesn;t care, i don;t think i should care if she does or doesn't.
ok i think i cant upload. i'll do it some other days. maybe tomorrow if i don;t end up in jamming studio. cos then i got to finish my homework at home and study at home.

no feel

2009-04-20T19:56:00.001+08:00

i have no mood to talk. shall blog later. here just to tell thsoe who dunno yet, bonds is out!!
im watching raw since i understand it a little. but subs are still best.
dinner with ivan just nw. lol he got totally worked up haha. i think he will la. its quite bu shuang actually that msg..
wonder how come i like do nothing except reaching 10 pull ups. something i can never do again.
seriosuly after those ten my arms cant lift.

anger, sadness and regret. it makes your whole perception of life sour.

2009-04-19T21:21:00.003+08:00

i feel like doing the same thing zhang shu and ting ting did. seriously.
school life is tragic..how nice were days when you only think about fun. no more.
i feel pissed, not at my academics but whatever that has happened in school. and purposely, its not my friends. you DO know what im talking about. freak shit. with lies and regrets.
how nice of you to call yesterday. how nice of you to tell me to sleep early. the truth lied within. how tragic. you could constantly remind me of what i did wrong. i don't know when will you realise im right. get out of my mind..totally. im tired of you. friends that pull you up are great friends. people like eik kar, ke ying, rui ying, ivan chang, justin, koonleng, they are great. maybe if i listen to them, i won't feel so shitless. im seriously good and pissed. how great. its time i can break a drum set and i might.

goodbye goodbye

2009-04-19T19:32:00.001+08:00

gosh. i feel so faintish.
i might drop dead anytime soon.
choices made, choices dead.
its end of story and the beginning of another..
no matter what happens, one wish rules all "to live happily to the end of the days."
that is life i guess..
haha. meanwhile, we should just study well(not too hard), and get into whatever we want.
life is meaningless if you find it boring. if you are bored, find something interesting to do.
i think i'll live my life to my absolute fullest. not by saying yes to everything, but by enjoying life.
no use getting upset.
its redundant.

2009-04-19T10:52:00.002+08:00

its 10:53 in the morning...yet it feels like its already afternoon. hot weather.
i seriously doing things for the sake of doing now..my homework i did not complete yesterday lies there waiting yet i open it and just fill it up. wtf.
im doing things i don't like..yet i must do leh..
woah. isn't that discipline.
nvm. seriously got feel want to go out. hmmm...

whats the rush?!!

2009-04-18T23:15:00.003+08:00

this sucks.
good day. its 11:16pm now. how great. im feeling impressed with alot of things.
because i realised i have absolute no life other than bball and drums.
ok maybe a little going out if i have to.
this is seriously getting boring.
sec 4= no life.
o levels sucks. humans are just too smart for themselves.
super sian.

i took this photo..not bad huh? except for the right side..but its good.
i think this is the kind of life i like. seriously, cityscape is not bad, the people and the noise is bad.
i like peace. in fact i yearn it. wtf.
thinking about bintan..super quiet during that trip..just sit there and stone..peaceful.
singapore's pros and cons.
its safe, has a beautiful cityscape but life is too rushed and there is no calmness.
calmness is what humans need seriously.
take a look at orchard road in the morning if you don't understand.
no one bothers to stop and take a look around. orchard road is quite nice.
rushing rushing rushing

im having the feel!!

2009-04-18T15:25:00.002+08:00

today is great. frist thing i woke up i had feel to study. haas.
seriously. muscle cramps everywhere. never jog too much. it raises your stamina but too much can torture you..i seriously want to go ubin..there so quiet so peaceful..like the city isn't affecting it..shiok.
ok im going to study.

2009-04-17T21:42:00.002+08:00

tell me what you make of this..

"no luhrxz...euu wann teu geoo teu cycle teu punggol jetty fom hougang tmr? i fewl sianxxzzzsss"

wtf. beautiful english people nowadays speak. for those people who cant even tell, it simply means: "no la. you tomorrow want to cycle to punggol jetty from hougang? i feeling sian."

dotz..

and a quote i saw in TVM quotes.."life is a difficult word. humans always mis-pronounce it."

2009-04-17T21:20:00.002+08:00

hell i forgot one thing..liverpool!! neh-mind..still got next round.
pray hard..arsenal please win. cos i'll hate you if you don't.

ok im not much of a soccer fan..just support liverpool nia..haha
moving on..moving on..
good gawd. ill list down all the homework im supposed to complete.

1.chem workbook
2.ss notes
3.english compre
4.zuo ye
5.zuo wen
6.biology wrk bk
7. bio tys
8. emaths tbk pg 131 qn 1,2,3,4,5,6
9.physics workbook
10.physics tys
11. bio spa (banana experiment)
12.biology journal

great..12 sia!!
and hor..better prepare for latent heat and everything.
its coming out soon ma..since we don't really have good feel of that chapter.
so ya..must study..study..stud..stu..sian....
listened ac/dc haha..must respect the old bands la. they were the ones who came out with such rock music..
i dunno how old is ac/dc though..please do enlighten me on the tagboard. ya..going off to study..buhbye

im bored. just now. not now.

2009-04-16T20:48:00.003+08:00

haha was bored just now. so took a few photos. random shots though. haha
ok forget it. blogger is so slow at uploading.
i saw something i should not see la. i dampen my own spirits again. wtf.
now i feel so sian. i don't want do anything le la. she want she ask me herself la.
if she decide others its also not my business le la.
im pissed. fucking pissed. for some reason. i don't know why. just feel pissed when i saw that.
i shouldn't see.
aha now its done..sian..so long.

my table..very neat hor..not like last time. LOL

my bike dad bought for me last week. the one in front that looks like a haro la. the one behind is my old one.

wei chen..look like L hor? sloped haired L

mum buy for me de present.(last yr b'day.just started opening XD)

addidas!! no la. its 4 striped which means US*.
sian..haha

so yeah. i have nothing to do thats why...ok im going off. GG for today's chem test and i hope i can score well for english compo!!

2009-04-15T21:42:00.002+08:00

lololol. i said i wouldnt blog yet im here. yada yada..i was checking out songs thats all.
went to music room 2 today. seriously, dont bother promising teachers you would play at the jamming sessions if you can jam in there for fun. its stupid. the durms SUCK.
the toms are all not tuned and the clashes are not even sounding like clashes!!
wtf. the hi-hat(i forgot how spell) can bend two ways la and only the snare sounded alright. the base, forget it. you could play halfway and the whole thing doesnt move. seriously, i looked like a drum set from the second hand shops. it sounded disgusting. the guitars could change if we brought our own but the drums cant be moved la. damn those who vandalised it. no joke. smooth sounded disgusting. so was face down and dance dance that koonleng played. fuck the vandals.

ok i'll stop complaining and go polish up my smooth and learn on top of the world. its a nice song by boys like girls. its nice. haha esp the drums intro.

This is great. just GREAT

2009-04-14T21:29:00.002+08:00

how beautiful is today. with the 'unsunny' weather, the 'best' amaths paper in your whole entire life, tons of biology TYS to finish by tomorrow if not mr chong is starting to issue his ultimate.
great. stayed in school today, practised a little basketball(i still suck) then went back to class and ivan started playing some tunes..not bad seriously.

next up, i did not do any homework until 9.45 pm. now im starting to prepare to do and yet i have piles waiting on my desk...sian...i haven't even do pull ups yet and napfa is coming round the corner. yes. a sharp corner. its on the 20th and im stuck at 5 for maximum. im going to jog on thurs. i don't care.

going to be pretty busy...tomorrow, go practise some drums on smooth cos i STILL have no confidence in myself.
thursday, chem test and im going to jog.
friday, im in the studio.
so totally busy. saturday, might be going npdp. see first..and that means tuition skipped. LS in the morning too.
sunday, 4pm there is service course for waiters and seeing that i have not been going for the past time, im going to have to take the test this week. GG

nice. most likely i might post on thursday if i want. wednesday totally offline. friday, i'll see how.
sat, if npdp, don't need say. its going to end late.

2009-04-13T21:57:00.001+08:00

shack. im finally tired.
this is great. now what?
im at a loss. cycled to sengkang today. even though i said no i still did though..in the end.
went there..and came back straight once i reached compass point. i din want to stay. i did though. for awhile at some carpark. then cant take it faster rush home la. due to some things i saw on my phone la. i dun wan tell anyone im there...sorry guys. pangsehed you all go there..nid time be quiet la. wont be at home on wed. will be trying out smooth on drums. the real version. i realise tabs are kind of cock..so listened and used koonleng and ivan's advice on those beats. my hearing sucks la. i hear only static and snares. no base and toms. wtf

right or wrong?

2009-04-12T01:06:00.002+08:00

am i doing the right thing?
am i making the right choice saying to her that i don't mind if she has to choose him?
i don't know. i said it yet i don't feel that way. i want her to be with me yet i tell her to go. i don't want anyone to be hurt yet i don't want to either.
i really need help..shit. someone just help me. drumming all day long doesn't help me to solve the problem. shit.must i let go?
i don't want to.
i don 't want.
im not going to.
i really don't want to let go.

this is pathetic. im not going to carry on here. i'll think it through. my best friends, if you have solutions, please tell me.
i seriously need help. BIG help. sms will be fine. i'll reply when i do ever wake up.
i seem so pathetic. but i really think i shld not waste my life away.
erlin might be right that i shld experience being single.
i would. if i could just forget that person.
im sorry. seriously, the moment she chooses. i will stop. everything. i wont fall in love again.
its just too difficult.too difficult.
lets just wait. i hope she make a choice soon.

2009-04-11T21:10:00.001+08:00

i feel so sian. now im stuck in between someone's love life and i really dont knwo whether to let go or what. freaky. i mean..yeah. im not saying anything la.
today was great. at least i know you do still have ---for me. i dont know la. but i appreciate it. i really do.

decision made.

2009-04-10T15:10:00.002+08:00

heard something from dad which is quite true..
you have not failed if you don't give up. the moment you let go, you fail.
he said it in chinese though like "你没有失败。只要你一放弃，你就是失败了”
yeah..around there.
well, i think it is true isn't it? like for PFT, the moment we let go of the pull up bar, we fail. but if we are willing to hang on, it becomes experience right?
Maybe i should really learn from dad. he might crap 24/7, but he makes sense.
motivated to study Bio. at least i learn something from it. better than dropping it. Decision made!

2009-04-09T21:00:00.002+08:00

haha this is a new blogskin. simple and neat. cool. i guess i shall stick to this. there is no usage of a complicated design other than to allow people to stay on my blog for a longer time trying to figure out whatever i wrote which only two kinds of people in the world do it. one, you're bored. which i would say, get a life. reading blogs is not going to make the time go faster. stop reading vulgarous crap and find a decent book with good language to read. thats a better way of passing time.
second reason, you are interested in what is to be written or i should say, what was written which i dare say, you will find boring at some point and move over to the next blog.
hmmm, good friday.
i got nothing about it to celebrate except for the fact that many are going to go to church or wherever to help out?(im sorry if this is not right. im not christian.)
yup. so like them, we should spend the time meaningfully. do things that benefit your life.
im sorry guys for dropping out last minute. i really can't go tomorrow. there are things i got to do so if i go i might not have time.
i shall change the blog title next time round. it doesn't seem like a new start. it was a bad one. and its still bad. some shoudl know whiel others, don't bother poking your nose in. there is no place for it.
Biology is a huge subject. and im a huge failure in it. i got to buck up.
for all the sciences. totally.

its so irritating when people get virus on msn. its irritating. i mean, the messages are only for sickos who will open them. so if one sicko opens the links, good job. everyone starts getting irritated. Transnational terrorism happens globally. I figured a new one for it. computer virus and bugs. they are also terrorising the world. at least the internet users.

I figured its no longer time to hide behind your mama's back and think that everything in the world is safe with her and dad around. its time we realise what is going on around the world. now im not saying that we at 16 years old are still kids but think about it, we keep saying we are indepedant but are we? most of us are still depentant on our parents. we don't have the ability to face society yet. we are starting, but not fully prepared right? maybe its time for us to start worrying about the society. start becoming more independant. not as in terms of financialy, but how we should at least help our parents and do our own things. We got to start working on our future already. stop loitering at the thinking process(what i want for my future). its time to act i guess. saying so much, i doubt i could and i doubt i would but we all got to try and start sooner or later right? How the future is now we can only tell. The only way we can determine it is to start shaping it when its still soft.

2009-04-09T20:11:00.002+08:00

im having the urge to go to pulau ubin.
singapore is has too much cityscape. i dont see and nature.
and ubin seems like the best place to go which is the nearest. better than getting lost in malaysia.
i wanna go ubin!! go and experience the quiet and stillness in the forest arts and maybe hang out at the jetty. time to destress this weekend since i have lots of problems in my mind.
like..my biology results, the just past physics test, the coming chinese o levels, the o level papers, waiting for someone to think it through, alot alot. my minds bursting although i don't look like it at school. problems just keep constantly appearing. people supposed to have no problems in secondary 4 but i keep having. and its alot. i really wished for alot of things not to have happened but they did, yet when we think back, they were still worthwhile. maybe we should not keep regreting. what has happened has happened. we just need to try and make use of it. face the facts.
its something not built in our human instinct so we have to learn.

i guess life is great. we have ups and downs and will always have. so think it like this, no matter how the curve seems to drop, look forward to the steep rise later.

like a quote Arthur Rubinstein said,"love life, and life will love you back. Love people and they will love you back."

2009-04-08T18:42:00.002+08:00

i feel so like sleeping. lols.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyyNMrto39I&feature=related
yura yura by hearts grow. its a nice song and MV
serious. haha i dont know how upload to blog from youtube so i wont.
im seriously needing a nap. today was tiring. goodbye.

2009-04-07T20:42:00.002+08:00

erlin was right. thats what im going to say.
haahs. finished SS test. my apologies for giving warning that it might not be TT for essay. i mean, i seriously did not trust the teacher. shnt say who but everyone knows.
well, guess everything turned out fine. except my BIO. i dunno. will think about it. dad and mum says i shld drop if i dont want it.
friends say i shld not. they think its wasted.
i dunno. seriously i feel bio kind of sucks. not that i dont study. but the fact that i do study yet i dont know how to explain it out.
shall see what the bio teachers say.
i am feeling bored right now. i know i should do my chemistry and maths homework but i have no mood to do it.
i shall just doze off on my bed and wake up at 2 or 3 to do. yup thats what i will do.
table is raided by ants again. just because i left a whole box of ferrero rocher on the table. shucks.
and i cant believe that i kept my table clean for 3 days!!
its a whole new record.

i saw you and today felt great.

2009-04-06T20:27:00.002+08:00

brief summary of the day,
it was just study study study.
nothing much.
didnt buy shihui's present.

caffine works wonders.
i can finally not fall asleep in class easily.
that rocks totally.
read a friend's letter,
"there is no such thing as a failure, only a learning experience."
thats a nice quote along with my uncle's
"Randomness and luck are out of this world. all we ever had was a lack of understanding."
cool huh? hehe shall share it here. i mean, seriously, there is really nothing called tyco right?
its just not explained thats why. like how come some bballs that we shoot gets in by 'luck'
there is a physics concept behind it right? yup. shall use these quotes for my Os.
buhbye.

2009-04-05T19:08:00.001+08:00

im having one thought right now. and its making me extremely happy. life's great after all even though there are too many up and downs.

2009-04-05T11:14:00.001+08:00

im in the oh im so pissed off mood.
how great. damnned

2009-04-03T20:38:00.001+08:00

im so totally giving up.
yes. i am.
its over. the session is over.

woah. POP today. ended with a quite ok mood. everyones happy thats good enough.
and yeah..well nevermind.
its an ok day today.

2009-04-02T19:52:00.000+08:00

i want to give in yet i cant. i got to resist. i got to make myself stop. she wont like it.
now im totally bored. like sian.
bio SUCKS. seriously. i only understood MCQ and structured qn 2. thats all. if i pass. its a miracle.

2009-03-31T22:15:00.001+08:00

watched pearl harbor.
its a really nice show.
i figured, maybe its really time humans stop being narrow minded.
war is not benefit to a nation. no matter what.
i told her i give up le.
im keeping that promise.
i don't know.
i'll just be like how i am now.
ivan ask me to talk to her and get her back.
i..guess i'll let her decide.
its her who needs to be happy not me.

2009-03-30T19:31:00.002+08:00

oh nuts.
i bought a samsung YP Q1 mp4 for like 179 dollars?

yeah a pic of it. buttons are touch sensitive, high video resolution and blah blah blah.
it cost me a bomb. i ain't rich at all and buying something like that is probably like alot?
yeah. but more worth than buying a PSP. at least i don't get addicted.
and it works well with my headphones. i still prefer itouch if i could..im dreaming.

oh gawd today kind of sucks.
i mean like in school, im feeling rather lousy. like got nothing much to do..
sian..i want sleep liao..bored to shit. im not in the mood to study neither to do any homework.
tommorow i guess. another hectic day.
and the oily face of mine, kindly just peel it off man.
haha the girl's boyfriend that we were talking about in class, maybe we should really punch him and tell him to wake up.
gah. im bored shit.

2009-03-30T16:48:00.002+08:00

seems nothing will change as seen from past few days..
she likes that guy, no doubt, from how she writes on her blog i guess..
i'll just have to see her go like that then.
no choice. since i was stupid enough to let her go, even if it was for a good purpose for us.
damnned.

shant blog much..maybe a short post everyday. im currently not in the mood. im like living a routine again. study, home, sleep, homework, sleep, wake up, and bakc to the start. occasionally going out but thats all. its been boring for the past 6 mths and i guess it will remain that way..she aint gonna change her mind right?
its best to just stand aside and love from darkness..since she isnt wanting to get back. or maybe, she just have another in mind le ba..i guess its what you call, no hope left yet i still stubbronly hope/

2009-03-28T22:04:00.002+08:00

had a great time together with my nco squad.
we totally owns. haha.
i like the sir eat man eat everyone eat eat eat eat eat!!
loll. sounds so original lor. better than just eat eat right?
and the thanking part.
heard joseph the all wanted thank you sir, mam everyone BYE!!
lol. we left out the bye though.
great time i guess. i cant believe i got the guts to do those things la.
i do have height phobia even after OBS.
thinking back, OBS was really a good experience.
this too. we got lots of videos and photos!!
esp somebody was 'gaying' around with another. shant say who. its a nco squad privacy right?
woah and today morning sway sway fogging was happening in school. faris went to walk from the back of the fog. look so cool!!
I think we ncos really best siol!!
today was ball breaking, guts stabbing and everything.
i cant believe it. CHINGMAY HAS GUTS!!
even the sir said so.
she do the ARC like free de luh. do do do, she was the fastest even among the boys. and she WAS THE FIRST IN OUR SQUAD!!

ok calming down, its time. april is coming, time to work hard?

2009-03-27T21:11:00.002+08:00

i guess everything has its pros and cons. even humans.
maybe we should never be too persistent with things. maybe some jokes cant be said. its all human nature. when we are not in sync, we clash. and guess thats where conflict and wars start about too.
humans are just animals. the same.
i understand why people say we should not say our parents nag all the time. i guess they do that for our good too. they been through what we have so they do not want us to fault again like they did. its not worth it isnt it?
so, i guess i got to tell you guys in the world, treasure the girl you have. seriously.
dont do anything stupid. solve problems if they arise. dont bother trying to think of serperating from her and later get back. that never happens. solve it with her. dont let go.
just dont.

2009-03-27T21:10:00.001+08:00

im stopping. it has no value to carry on. if you think i will do suicide everytime if i ever stead you, think again. im stopping. and best of luck.

2009-03-26T19:57:00.000+08:00

what are you thinking of? i really cant think about it le. i considered so many things and everything came out as no.
you tell me la. what is wrong with me la.
i want change le ma. change le cant be tgt meh?

2009-03-25T21:58:00.001+08:00

hongren died today. 9.54pm. 25-03-2009.
good job simin. you did well. goodbye.
remain in my heart. in silence.

R.I.P. hongren.

2009-03-25T20:57:00.002+08:00

i feel so sick now. look what i have done.
now my life revolves around a headache and a heart ache.
when i glance at you, and you turn away, or dont even care, i feel it. that extreme feeling of sadness i think. my friends all ask me to stop le. they say you wont accept me de because its too late le. i dont want to believe. my plan will work. i will pass out. i will get you back. please la. im not desperate for a girlfriend. im desperate to be able to be with you one day.

we are all stinking

2009-03-24T20:57:00.002+08:00

one fact of life. i realised,
life needs a meaning. if not we are really going to live to exist.
like me. i seriously do not feel like studying so hard anymore.
those constant swears that i would get higher than a 17 for my L1R5 and beat yao an, i realise,
studying only for a sec4, its not going to work ok.
start learning to study smart work nuts.
meaning, study smartly, dont waste your time reading some nuts that you dont understand and have no feel.
it totally means you are not going to concentrate and might make you lose more memory. work nuts, dont bother to practise questions you know how to do. they dun help. what is the use? skip and go on to difficult ones, but make sure they are answered correctly. damnned. that would be best.

got that inspiration on my own. you might say its crazy and i am crazy. but i think, why not? it might work. we just have to try. and i feel it helps. cos it sounds reasonable. except for the study when you got feel. you have to make yourself got feel. thats motivation?

yup. and im..im..im really lost. dont come asking me why. i'll only tell my best buddies. and even then, i might not say everything. its too sensitive. it oesnt only concern me. it concern one other person. and stop jumping to conclusions if you are. that person is my friend. i shant say who. but i think that person knows.

2009-03-24T20:50:00.001+08:00

i really hope. hope that what i sacrificed will never go to waste.
i really hope so. no one knows except you ba. lets just continue it that way.
i'll just carry that hope. think as much as you want ba. im fine with it.

2009-03-23T20:38:00.000+08:00

save me. i might die soon. im to the point of suicide.

2009-03-23T20:02:00.001+08:00

i dont care what you did. im not giving up.
i'll wait. the world dun wan you. i want.

2009-03-23T19:15:00.001+08:00

seriously. if anything can be more heartbreaking, it was you.
im not numb. im soft. and now, im broken.
failure in a human's life,
friendship has been broken. love has been snapped into two. and career/studies is right smack only in the middle.
im a loser.

2009-03-22T20:20:00.002+08:00

it is only when we lose things do we really treasure it.
now i know.
its been 3 mths since i am with her and yet, the truth lies within.
its not so easy to just throw away 9 mths and 7 days of memories. and it aint going to be easy.
im not going to throw it away. im going to keep it in me. its part of me. it keeps me alive.
i have a purpose to live now. i found it.
i live not to exist. i live to hope. i live to hope for the day to be back with you. i hope for the day that i could be successful in life. its all full of hopes. life with all these hopes make things more meaningful. i feel courage to face on my future now. its all thanks to you. i'll pull myself up. only you yourself know who im talking about. its you. im ready to answer that question. to love someone, or be loved. i rather, i choose to give than to take. its better that way. but, i will still remember you. you for life. that 9mths and 7 days have been the best. and it will remain that way. all my success, i credit it to you. thanks.

2009-03-21T09:08:00.002+08:00

i slept after the camp for like...20 hours?!!
woah..well to start off, this camp isnt like the other camps where we get punished and people took us and everything. for this camp we like just help out, do our duties, and everything.

saddest part is, the PHYSICS SPA.
damnned luh. do do do, then in the end, no lunch. hungry.

someone is taking over my post. hope he doesnt become a loser like me.

2009-03-16T20:49:00.002+08:00

woah. i cant believe what happened. i asked my dad for a weekly organiser so i could like the motivation camp booklet said, plan my time properly. and guess what? he gave me his palm top?!!
oh god..although palmtop is like a little back with technology and i have a 2 years old palm top, you know what, im just going to use it anws. its my dad's gift to me so must treasure. haas. so yeah. realise the motivation camp really have a huge impact for me man. i still can rmb everything. esp the part on how my family is impt. i guess it is. so im going to make sure it stays there for life!!

sian. melvin lied to us luh. he forgot the recession or whatever. the set of pens cost 14 dollars. and i bought it. omg. but its ok. it helps me do well, its worth the investment. haha i feel so lucky. must appreciate. heehs.

2009-03-15T10:53:00.002+08:00

wow..i cant believe what i did yesterday. nvm.
did not talk much since i felt like crying the moment i got the mike. everything didnt come out..
koonleng was zai lol. he managed to say everything out.
if you might not know, yesterday at the motivation camp closing ceremony, there was a part where we could dedicate things to our parents. i went up with koonleng cos justin did not want. he said he shy. zzzness. well, i said only sorry to my mum and everything. wanted to say more cos i got a hell lot of things to apologise for. but when i talked about how i commented her food i cant take it le. koonleng could say everything out leh!! he pro lor. i think it was really meaningful. now, i bond with my family more and finally i stay at home with them most of the time. i dont lock myself in the room anymore and start realising how much i appreciate them.
the video we saw, it was another totally different clip. it was about a boy who could not run or anything and his father, 60+ years old and ran marathons with his son for the sake of his son to experience the thrill. it was so touching.

conclusion of motivation cmp, other than learning study tips, i learnt things that are very important:

Chioces Have consequences

control your emotions and not let it control you

you are worth more than you think you are, so give yourself the best and not second.

ultimate success formula= belief>strategy>action>success!!

and yeah, i learnt everyone knows how to manage their time. since a boy can wake up at 7 in the morning to watch television, and he knows that he has to play computer for 4 houors and turn to other games. so we cant deny that we do know how to time manage properly.

hmm..motivation camp was really meaningful. went in with the thought it would be boring, came out as a kind-of-new person.

2009-03-13T23:36:00.002+08:00

seriously, that wasnt a good post cos i was talking on the phone.
now that im alone and thinking, i realise something. Gary said something very important today. it was meaningful. he started with how his grandmother was ill treated by him and his father and that when she died, how she had died on his birthday and the regrets he had. it made me think of one single thing. my grandfather. he might not have the liver cancer she had, he might not had whatever illnesses she had. He had dead brain for 6 years and he lied there like that, just like a real vegetable. i had not really known him well, i did not talk to him much, i just thought i could not be bothered. when he lay there, my naive mind was still, thinking how irritating it was to visit him and everything. the day he died, i could remember, just like gary, my father had grabbed the metal bars of the window. he broke down so hard that he culd nearly pull the whole thing out. i stood there and i cried. i felt sad but i never did knew why i cried. it was till around when he died for 1 to 2 years, i started to miss him. i started to realise how much i had never knew what a grandfather was like. i could not take it when gary was telling those things. i tried my hardest not to cry, but tears just rolled a little by little..
then, gary asked us to reflect..reflect on how we had treated our parents. how they had loved us so much and tha we had taken it for granted. when he said all those things, i could only say one thing. i felt regret and remorse. what my mum is suffering today had been all my fault. if i had not done, she would not have to be like what she is today. she would have smiled all the time. she could have been open minded and carefree. i felt so much remorse that i just cried out. koonleng said i cried like free..yeah i admit. but to me the pain of having caused my mum to be that way she is today was all my fault. my sisters did not do anything. i was the one. im the culprit. i caused all the worries for her and eventually it led to depression. seriously, if gary had continued, i really would have like that girl kneeled down and really cried totally.

the moment i got out of the room i texted my mum, my dad. i told them how much i loved them and everything and the respected that. maybe im really going up to stage tomorrow and really kneel down in front of my mum and tell her im sorry. i really caused all those worries she had. i feel, regretful. my promise to myslef from today onwards, family ranks the first. then my studies and relationship and friends. hey are the 2nd most important in my life. people like ivan, koonleng, justin, yaoan, ruiying, shihui, kuan cheng, eik kar, keying, liwei, and many more(sorry if i left you out cos i think too much when im so lost in thought but you guys are the best.) these people have changed my life. ivan, koonleng and justin for example, they taught me fun in school. seriously, in sec 1 &2, it was not pleasant with the class mocking you for everything. they were the ones who pulled me out in sec 3 and finally gave my some 'feel' of how buddies are like. especially ivan who taught me the importance of friendship. he portects his friends and i got influenced from there. eik kar, he teaches me how to grow up and have a more mature way of thinking. he taught me what it was like to think better as a grown up since his thinking is quite mature. talking to him was always a fruitful experience. Keying and liwei, although they dont really associate with me much since they got their own stuff and everything, but man, if you want to find a person with hell lot of advices and comments, find them. they really can help you survey. ruiying, she motivates me to do well in acads and focus less on other things. she is a friend in need, a friend indeed. i dont know how to say but she is the one who managed to change my perception of CCA and academics. shihui, she is a hell of a jester sometimes and she gets serious at times too. i admire that attitude. who wouldnt want to be fun yet serious at times?
lastly, i forgot to put in, the npcc year 4 squad. which is our squad. we might not be really close but we went through shit, and everything together. we slacked together and did everything together. however bad we might hate npcc life, our bonds were there. and is still there. we dont realise it but, we are like a tight chain. when one slacks, the rest follow suit but we do it together and the jokes we cheer ourselves up with is just freaking funny.

my third most important thing is my religion frineds. they are what i can really call paikias for some since they got a hell lot of problems, but looking at an angle, they are all full of fun. their remarks, jokes, teasing, it is all funny and we always can find things to talk about.

i feel today has been really meaningful to me. it has really been a wonderful time to start reflection and everything. we ought to reflect like this once in a while. by that, we get to improve.

2009-03-13T22:12:00.002+08:00

today was so motivating..
i cried, i laughed i poured out emotions and i felt regret.
to my parents, i love you all. the talk made me realise how much i have made you all worry.
im sorry for all the wrongs ive done.

2009-03-13T00:07:00.000+08:00

ok post before going to bed.
tired today, motivation was really fun.
and yeah..gawd. im in trouble.
you guys will know abt it soon..if it dont get solved.

2009-03-11T22:10:00.003+08:00

gawd..i feel so like an idiot.
i just realise that why my computer crashed is because of my stupidity.
damned.
i installed windows 2 times. on each harddisk how dumb.
now i got to pluck everything out.
maybe i might go and get the best ram..hmm..sim lim is selling sheap=D
can get a GX2000 grahpic card too..consider bahs.
ok going sleep..

2009-03-10T19:52:00.003+08:00

had a little shopping for snacks for my studying. cant study without eating. a bad habit >.<
well, going to study from now on till 12 everyday. at least i feel like i accomplish more things.
oh yeah. koonleng had some bright ideas and created some useful memorising things. i dont know what they are called.

Sodium
Nitrates
Ammonium
Chlorides- PbCl, AgCl
Kpottasium
Sulphates- BaSO4, CaSO4, PbSO4

yup this is the solubility table so you can just memorise the extra ones and carbonates.

for reactivity series,
Please pottasium-K
Stop sodium-Na
Calling calcium-Ca
Me magnesium-Mg
A aluminium-Al
Zebra Zinc-Zn
I Iron-Fe
Like Lead-Pb
Hard hydrogen-H
Core copper-Cu
S_x silver-Ag
Games gold-Au
platinium-Pt

yup. its a little sick but better than what our class came up with. haha
its good to memorise like this isnt it? off to study!!

when its time to let go, let go. when its time to take it, take it.

2009-03-09T21:52:00.002+08:00

thanks yao an for telling me that.
great advice seriously.
i think sometimes we got to think back and ask ourselves,
what we do, is it right? what we did is it wrong?
and if we did, face it.
just like relationship, its a give and take. you got to give her what she wants but you have to be firm when you have to.
its not only with relationships i guess. even with parents, we have to let them order us around and try to do what they ask us to. only when we cant, we have to take some sensible actions and let them realise why. then there is no conflict.

its really time to reflect on our past and improve the present. its time to start growing up and stop acting as a immature kid who thinks all only about himself and only that he is right. Its time to stop the game of who's boss. time to grow up, think of the future and start a right pace to walk through life. its time to throw away what bad habits we have in the past and start anew.its time to finally learn how to be grown up. i guess. growing up mentally isnt going to be coming naturally. we have to make ourselves grow up, and finally act more like an adult. mature or not mature it doesnt matters. what matters is how we think, do, react and the experience of life. thats what matters. adults can give advice because of their experience. they are able to think so in depth because they have been through what we have and they can help us improve. there is no difference between a 40 year old man and a 16 year old teenager if their IQ is the same, their knowledge is the same. the only difference is the experience. that is why we respect some adults. Its not because of their qualities only but because of their experience. quality comes with experience and there is no denying it. Its time to learn and be more grown up. its time to stop those silly and pathetic child acts of our past.

2009-03-09T00:29:00.002+08:00

oh god..
just back from work. tired.
firstly, i'll have to say a BIG SORRY to my chem grp members.
i feel so guilty. i totally forgot about the project and went to work.
sorry guys!!
i'll have to make it up by presenting tomorrow. there is no other choice.
today's work was ok i guess. just that someone fell down and yup it wasnt a good sight.
did not tarnish the zhao dai zu's reputation ba. thats ok.
yup. my work is a waiter. ok in chinese, zhao dai. its kind of working with Chung Hwa Tong Tou Teck Hwee. yup.
kind of bust up at the end cos i was careless. did not serve the burburchacha properly. need practice.
yup end of the day-> im tired. and there is school tomorrow.
gotta rest soon!! if i can. but too many things on my mind. i'll have to clear it first.

2009-03-07T14:11:00.002+08:00

be happy and forgive and forget.
its hard to make it get back to the same old you after a conflict.
i stood in the rain. i waited for you in the rain.
i stood there hoping you would come, protecting the things i was going to give you.
and you, because people did not want to alight, did not follow them.
and i still stood there drenched in the rain.
i tried to explain to you. my mum do not trust me like she used to.
i had to lie. i had to say you did not want to alight because of the rain.
and you thought i did not believe you.
you fought with me over it.
i gave in to you.
i said sorry.
why? why must you still act so cold towards me.
i told myself, i shouldnt back down now.
so i'll just go with the flow. and be cold back.
till the day you realise im still there.
at least go back to who you were. i miss you and the three words you always say.
damnned.

on a lighter note, i'll try not to use too much vulgar or whatever on my blog.
im going to write properly. its for my english.
i don't want to fail. not now.
so i shall be good and post properly.
going mr chen's tuition. its going to be good for me.
B4 is just not good enough. i got to improve. only As are accepted.
and maybe i'll ask a little on bio. since he teaches that as well.
passing out so soon.
and we are still not happy with them.
why are they so sadist?
now no one wants to support the unit anymore...
no one want to go back and be a CI..
we dont hate the unit. we like npcc. its we dont like some people in there.
im not going to say who. but the whole squad agrees.
wonder how its going to carry on. ZHNP should not fall because of us.
or will the officers think: 'we dont need you NCO 08-09 to run the unit'
at least thats what impression they give us. treat us like we don't have importance.
we might be slack, but when we do things, we really do it well. we know we never meet deadlines, but at least we have effort in it right?
don't treat us like we cant maintain that gold. it should not be like this.
i dont want to pass out like this. give us some respect please.
we do do things. its not our fault it always end up having mistakes. we think of the unit, of our squad thats why we do some things.

i wanted to buy larger rations to help give the cadets more food. i did not want anybody to faint because of it. thats why the rations were so expensive. we all went through the camps before. we know we need alot of food. i bought it for them because of it. The ranks? i asked for more sgt and staff sgt ranks so the squad would have enough to promote and including the new batch of NCOs.
i did not want the trouble of having to order again. why do you have to say that you saw my true colours? im doing what i think is right. the clock in the room is really very difficult to find i have to stay back everyday till 5.30 in school because teacher asked me to. and i have a curfew on weekdays. on week ends? i have to go for classes in the morning to afternoon and at night i have work to do. i have not enough time to study already because of my weekend jobs as a waiter right? im waiting for someone to replace me but its not so easy to master serving right? i have no time. i already sacrifice alot of time for npcc. i do all the logistics documents and come down for camps. and even jiaqi thinks i dont deserve a promotion. i did do work right? you guys say that i dont give my comittee work to do and i do all the work on my own. then i gave them work and i just help out a little. its hard to keep the member's spirit up you know. they are already giving up on npcc and now they are more motivated to do work. i tried my best ok. i really did. how would you feel if your friend is your unit haed and everytime she gts a mood swing she doesnt care who you are and just comment on some things? you get hurt by friend s ok. im just trying my best. please, stop treating me as i will never deserve anything. i stood there and saw the EXCO getting their staff sgts im hurt deeply already and i did not take it to heart. i know i did well. i know im trying my best. if you had thought i would be like this then you shld not choose me as the log head right. even ms tan said yesterday. she will promote the people if the deserve it on the last day. i know. i wont be promoted. no matter what. im going to remain a sgt. just because of what i did. and it was a misunderstanding, i havent give up on npcc yet. no one wants to come back and be a CI except me. and even now, i have no guts to ask for it anymore. i know im going to be rejected immediately.

2009-03-05T20:43:00.005+08:00

bored like shit. gah!!

bought alot things today. ok 2 only.

yup.

first, a post it pop up,

then a cash box with both lock and the turn thingy,

and finally, my com crashed and dad loaned me his lappy. it is so..thick. haha but can use happy le.

had NO SSP today!! very happy. and its the 5th!!

hehees. i thought it over and felt i shld not do this anymore.

i must not be so bad to xiao ci!!

hahaahs. my study table still looks messy..it look like this:

oh god..im so irritated. i dont want to upload anymore.

photos make my writing so messed up i had to rewrite.

of to study a little before going to find my baobei later!!

haha going meet up with her for awhile. heehs.

2009-03-04T20:48:00.004+08:00

it was my fault i know..its my fault. whatever. im sick and tired of hearing things like, gawd im so dissapointed in you or like i wait. if you want to wait, i'll let you wait the whole life. but the prob is i cant. cos i cant bear to. fuck shit. im so tired. i give up. i give up on the 1001 sorries i had made for the past mth. i was planning to give it to you on the 21 march. and i left 90. fuck. i shld study and not cared about that. i shld not even bother. you slammed me dwn good and proper like i did to you. good job. nuts

a change in mood!! well back to normal. for a while. looking at a list of things i gotta do,

-buy refils for post-it pop up stick notes
-buy a new marker
-a handphone strap so it wont be so troublesome to keep taking out of my pocket
-rearrange my table so i can study on it
-forget about some damned person(i did it!!)
-instant boot polish (since im going to pass out)
-ankle socks for school
-start attending mr chen tution again
-get a cash box.(the one at popular)
-save money like around another 400 dollars(for after exam and preparation for exam)

yup. i did 1 to 4 already, and oh, 7 too.
hmm. lots more to go!!
should i upload some pics? yup

haahs anyhow write de

2009-03-04T17:07:00.001+08:00

is it so difficult to change? i give up. fuck off.
knn..got like A2 for chinese when almost whole class A1.
fked up.
i dont give a shit. its difficult to quit and im not going to anymore.
i had enough.

2009-03-03T22:37:00.002+08:00

kind of realise people do grow up.
at least now im not as bad as last time or what?
i think its stupid of me. what i did and everything.some of you should know what im talking about.
im changing i guess. for the better. its good for me and everything i know.
homeworks seems important now. at least i feel that way.
depressing tests. i didnt get to study bio because of forgeting my books.
and chinese because i was sick.
hais. physics got a B4. its a bad result. shows i did not study well enough. better buck up!! and further more i do know how to do that jam jar question. so all the more i should be passing with flying colours. getting A1 for history was nice, but i guess im not as good as most of the people. Ms kaur said i couldnt explain well enough therefore getting 12 for essay.
well, gonna sleep now. i have to keep my promise to her.

im not like before. i change. and i hope i will last long.
hoping to get back to the past to correct my wrongs is nice, but i have to face the truth. maybe its because of her that i changed? i think it is. its thanks to her. shall not say too much. someone might get jealousXD.

2009-03-01T12:33:00.002+08:00

fuck.
is it my own mind playing tricks on me or have i really become bad?
i dont know. maybe it is?
maybe..but i quit already dude, i did.

forget the randomness and carry on with life.
waiter duty tonight. freak. im so gonna be the only one there with a super guai kia hairstyle again sian. guess my school is kind of strict. lucky im getting out soon =D

kind of bored with routine. sec 4 life-> full of routines. thats what you gonna hate.
cca gonna end soon. march i think. then its a whole new routine. sound good? yeah..if you are that ultra duper nerd who kind of LIKE studying, of course it is.

fk tht. youre ignorin' again.

2009-02-28T23:57:00.002+08:00

woah..today is LOOONNNNGGGG.
just blog hopped a little. taged a little here and there.
guess im moving on fine. as in really?
yup. i finally starting the engine for the next rollercoster ride? i dunno how spell. my apologies.
got rid of my fucking 41 degrees fever. gosh thats a total comfort.
and yeah discussed with my brother(not real ones luh) what jobs we gonna take on aft o lvls. most likely going work with him ba. not so boring. anw, might hold a 8 days chalet aft christmas. DaGe, Lao Liu and me might be paying for most of the cost but if anw of u others who kindly going bother sponsor abit let us know yah? its a hell party heehs for celebrating the fact we aint in school no more? yup. maybe we try getting real high and kick it for the whole 8 days without sleep. woah. that would be coool. see first luh. still deciding. at least until we finish our exams first before breaking free and start real partying. dont worry. it will be legalXD

yup. off to bed and a chat before i sleep? its cool.

2009-02-27T15:07:00.002+08:00

gosh. im sick. with fever over 39degrees, sore throat, cough and runny nose.
didnt even get to sleep yesterday. whole body felt so cold until i was shivering all the way. sain i cant even hear with my right ear now. im deaf because of the heat. fuck.

2009-02-26T19:59:00.002+08:00

fucked up. I sweared i will never go back and see it but i did and now, im in the same situation as yesterday. FUCK. that person is happy, and im sad. wth. i'll not make it too obvious but i think you know who im talking about. and yeah. i think only you will know who im talking about.
im uber pissed off now. its not worth it. i must remind myself. xiao ci is enough. stop thinking back. and stop looking back at that person's blog. you gotta wake up HONGREN!!
it was your fault. so fuck it off and start anew.
off to the blog where everyone does not poke their noses in. its time to let it all out at one go.
fuck off. GAH.

2009-02-25T18:16:00.002+08:00

fuck nuts. i saw stuff that i shouldn't see. i shldnt even GO there. and its not pornography for heavens sake. i may talk dirty sometimes but i DONT watch. damn. she is just like what chingmay says. "blut". damn hopes in tommorow not having any SPA.
i dont feel like talking about that. or anything else. it totally rocked me off and i dont need any more eyedrops for my contacts. i just created enough. fuck. why will i cry? im a boy! damnned.

get over it BAKA..it was over. and you caused it. fucking regrets.
get real Hong Ren. you got Xiao Ci now. stop thinking. it makes your brain old.

2009-02-24T18:33:00.002+08:00

im so blogging for the sake of blogging. damnned shit.
my dads so COOL!! i told him abt what happen yesterday, he tell me dun need stay back le.
Dad: "bu yao liu zai xue xiao le"
Me: "lao shi hui ma la. wo ye bu xiang liu"
Dad: "ta ma ni de hua ni jiao ta zhao wo. wo lai ma ta. gen ben zai lang fei ni shi jian."

COOL right?!! ok for some who sees my blog but dun understand, he told me not to stay back in school and that if the teacher scold me, he help me scold her back!!
woah..nice dad haha=] he totally rock. although i have no chance of wearing contacts anymore cos he thinks it is SUPER expensive. actually it is la. but he so baka. he ask me leave the contact's solution until i grow up then use. wtf?

ok. went to find her today. its was erm, emotional? cos she was crying and i was like just there, *******************************************.
yup. that is all. others posted on my private blog. you want see it? ask me and i see if i want add you. cos alot info some ppl cant know. LOL (this includes other people's stuff

2009-02-23T23:01:00.001+08:00

drive those nuts out of my life please. i hate it. fucked up lifestyle. and someone was not there when i stayed back. what dumbfuck. i shldnt stay luh. wasted my time. ask me stay then run back pasir ris. wtf. im nt staying anymore.

2009-02-22T23:11:00.002+08:00

hardcore studying makes everyone dizzy. what shit. im missing you!! (my holiday life la. what ur thinking?) sian like hell..feel sian without some people around? like my brothers, my school friends, her(like duh)...weekends are just so boring when you get cooped up at home you know. finding a way to let out my stress!! i dun wanna go back to the life of before the life that i used to live in the hols and jan sucks. i quit!! and i dun want to get back at it. AHHH why must sec life just tempt me to do so. stress arh stress!!
oh ya, anyone here who reads my blog, if you wear contacts, can you kindly tag how much ur mthlies and 6mth's cost for ur contacts? mine is priced at $60 for a mth and 180 for 1 mth. that is so like..expensive? so im finding cheaper ones thanks alot!!

yadayada.the life of one damnned sec4 is the Os Os Os..and still Os. lets break it!! saw chingmay's blog. hmm..seing it makes me realise actually we shld try to break free frm this cycle of studying all the time this year. gotta try and break rules right? rules are set so some people would break it sooner or later or it will be no fun for the people setting up the forfits.

2009-02-22T17:02:00.002+08:00

im missing you so. uber SIAN. feel like the world is spinning too fast again. damn.

2009-02-19T23:39:00.002+08:00

finally...guess it was a misunderstanding for me. sorry!!
dunno how put it. she very understanding la!! tell her i got to stay till 5.30 le then cant meet up on weekdays, she like, 'hais dun meet lor. when u can meet tell me ok?' woah. thats like, dunno la. k nt to give out too much DETAILS.

cooled off from everything. no problems le. haas!!
i dun feel the pinch of staying to 6 everyday le la. just abit miss someone lor.
then like, got chance see her soon also very happy. then my results, sucks i know. but got FEEL study liao la so also good. then our misunderstanding solve le. even BETTER. guess everything is fine. except, someone la. still trying to get her to erase me off. maybe i shld nt talk to her tht much? but my friend leh.

fuck off fatigue.

oh ya. one sick joke i heard from K.L.
counterstrike always got go go go!! then im going in de right?
ya. so when the 75cents insurance meets the bird, the bird tells him, "cover me. im going in"

yeah cant rly use those words la. its sensitive.
lol make me think of what ivan heng, Jus, K.L.,chang and i was talking outside the bio lab. wow that was the sickest thing we thought of. ok actually only me and the two ivans were talking of. cos jus was busy laughing and koonleng, i dunno if he was paying any attention. haas. dun want say it here ba. later ppl complain.